Lately, I've been noticing a lot more friends beginning to blog, and I started to wonder, why do I blog? Someone also once asked me, since I blog, why I don't blog more about my feelings or thoughts. Initially, I said, because I don't want to.
I blog because I want to record the happy things that fill my life with joy. People who know me, know that I love colors, and those that really know me, know that I love the shapes and textures that colors create, even more. So to capture this love of mine, pictures, to me, are the natural extension to which I like to express myself, or at least show to the world.
But the reason why I don't blog more about my feelings is that I feel much tortured inside, to reveal what really makes me want to burst out and tell everything to the world. On the outside, I am the biggest introverted extrovert. I love seeing the world, trying new activities, eating new foods... in a sense, being adventurous. But there is another side of me, that doesn't have the wittiest of comments, or even closely the wisest.... instead, I am the wallflower. I hang and I notice things, and I stay there. Much to the benefit, that I don't hurt myself, or injure what I hope is good reasoning.
I'm a person who believes he has a lot of gremlins in their past, of things I missed, things I feel that I should have tried, or even more, times when I simply should have spoken up. I have had many friends who, many with very good intensions, analyze me and tell me I should be more forthcoming, be more assertive, and be more willing to take the first step. I try, but in different ways, I could never find what makes a better me.
Sharing my feelings leaves a part of me vulnerable. A part of me which I do not feel is complete. Surely this is a human emotion, everyone has hopes and fears, dreams and nightmares. But rather than putting myself out there, I find comfort in simply sharing what makes me happy. In my pictures, I hope that people can see the colors, see the contrasts, and essentially feel what I feel in images, than in words.
One of my favorite songs is "Pictures of You" by the Cure. Kind of a melancholy song, but ironically to me, it makes me happy. Ironic, because I feel hope rather than a lost love, that I can rise again someday, in an optimistic "leap of faith", if you could believe.
Is that what makes me tick? What makes you tick? Do you have a blog? Let me know!
In other news, one other person has called my blog a travel website. I do like to travel.
Posted by Jimmy at May 10, 2005 07:59 PM